"Jinmen xu yao ni..."
"Kinmen needs you..."
Sometimes the burden gets heavy to bear. There are times watching the elderly people making their daily trek to the ocean bed to dig clams that I look at them and wonder if my kids are going to grow up and be like them...living day to day with no more purpose in life than digging oysters and clams to feed their families. At times I think if I have to see one more child going through sickness, depression, or the normal struggles and pressures of growing up without the guidance of loving parents, my heart will surely break in two.
As I go about my life here, teaching, sharing, listening, loving, I try always to keep before my eyes the real purpose of my being here; being Jesus hands, feet, lips and heart to those He gives me to love. Lately it has not been a difficult task to remember this, as it seems every day brings a new prayer request, another chance to talk to someone about Jesus, another one of my kids asking for advice or sharing their problems. Though I know where to take the burdens when they seem to overwhelm me, I seem to be much more inclined to struggle along on my own forgetting that Jesus walks beside me and wants to help me bear the load I cannot bear alone. My times with the Lord bring intense joy and gratefulness that He knows my name and I am His very own...then a sharp pang of grief for my beloved friends who do not know Him as Father and Friend.
It is in times like this when I begin to question, not my God, but His plans and purposes. It is so prideful and sinful of me, but I still fall into the trap of thinking surely I know better than He who should be saved and when is the right time. I ask Him why I am here giving myself to these people, serving my heart out, loving my very life away with every passing day and not seeing Him working to bring them to Himself. I see the heart-wrenching needs around me, acknowlege His soverignty and wisdom in bringing me here, and with the next breath beg Him to start working on my time table.
Then He lets me talk with someone and I see the seriousness in their eyes that says they are searching...or I see a friend come to trust Him as Savior and I realize that He has been working all along, even when I did not see His hand...or I see Him give an immediate answer to a desperate prayer and I know He is ever watching, ever loving, ever listening to me, full of pride as I am...or, after sharing and crying with a student who is facing a difficult situation, he looks at me and says, "God knew that Kinmen needs you, so He sent you here to us."
And I hold back the tears of repentance and of gratefulness, look up at my Father's face, repeat the words again in my heart of hearts, "Kinmen needs me..." thank Him for bringing me to this island, and press on with new trust, new hope, new strength to face the task He has set before me.
And I remember my Savior, "Who, for the joy that was set before Him, endured..." Hebrews 12:2
From Kinmen,
Rebekah
Phil. 1:20
